you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
