Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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