so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
