I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
