You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
