i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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