theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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