hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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