that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
