C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
