So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if only i could text you this smell
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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