well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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