she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
