Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
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Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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