I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
