I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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