you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
