I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
