I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you inspire me to be a worse person
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
