I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
