Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
