You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
