Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
