i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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