i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
