Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
