it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
