so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
