i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
