I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
