first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize