I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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