When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
