oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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