Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
