wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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