dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
