I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Found the puke drawer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
