We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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