Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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