You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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