she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
