You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
