I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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