Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I believe in your delicious
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
