Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
