do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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