I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
