I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
