Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
