my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
