This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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