So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
