i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
