ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
