Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize