My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
