I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
