Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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