just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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