As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
