when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
