I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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