Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
