You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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