Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
