i think i have two assholes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
