hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
