Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this will be a night to untag.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
