Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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