She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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