I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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