I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
