pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
