when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
