good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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