making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
