My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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