She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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