believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
