i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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