Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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